mA eVerYdAy mAdNesS..

how patHetiC couLd we gEt?? :p

2006-11-27T11:04:00.000+08:00

+ we ride.. +

+ wake up.. +

+ spend ma lyf wit u.. +

ahaha..
kakatawa talaga..
ewan ku va kung vuket atatawa aku..
eh mantalang dapat naiines aku..
ahaha..
parang tanga lang..
atatawa talaga ku..
ahaha..

saniTy cHecK..

2006-11-23T14:57:00.000+08:00

song for the moment..

+ call me when you're sober.. +

+ best of me.. +

still figuring out if my sanity is still in place..

sadly..

i think its not..

:s

happY feeT..

2006-11-23T14:35:00.001+08:00

oh eh anung ginagawa ku ditu??

taena..
parang tanga lang.. :s

kaw na manuod ng happy feet mak isa at meju maluha..
taena parang tanga lang..

vuket nde aku sa friendster blog naksusulat ng mga ganitu??
dahel yoko maxadu makbabad sa plendster..
peru vuket??
dahel nangangate ang kamay kung makfishing at nakakaines lang iun..
taena..

yoko ng makhanap ng batong ipupukpuk nanaman sa ulu ku..
kakatawa talaga ku..
nde ata eh..
kakaawa ata ang tawag sa ken weh..

parang tanga talaga..

at dis resort to only one thing..
'coffee jelly..'

ang tanging resort ku sa kalungkutan..
parang tanga talaga..
sayang wula si pau..

haaay..

LSS:
~tell me what you thought about.. when you were gone and so alone.. the worst is over.. you can have the best of me.. we got older but we're still young.. we never grew out of this feeling that we wont.. feeling that we cant.. we're not ready to give up~

stuck iN tHe moMent..

2006-10-04T16:27:00.000+08:00

ewan ku ba..
namish ku mak post ditu.. :s
kakalurky..

haaay..
kanina ang dame ku gushtu isulat.. ngeun kaharap ku na iung pc wula na ku misep.. :s vuket nga va gantu?? i dunno either.. naiwan ku pa iung fon ku.. gushtu ku nga isipen na iniwan ku talaga iung fon ku.. :s kasu etu naman aku excited muwe para makuwa iung fon ku.. ang pathetic nu?? hahaha.. i know.. thank you..

eh iung 'overjoyed' ni kyla.. nde na naksawa na makplay sa background.. engk.. ewan ku nga ren va.. kakaloka.. :s yokong ma 'stuck in the moment' dahel akakapraning to.. pramis.. haaay..

antagal pa nila jin.. :s nina pa kame nak aantay ni mea.. palibhasa binigyan ng flowers kanina.. ahaha.. kagulat.. peace na raw sila.. ahaha..

haaaay.. tatamad na ku.. :s

soundtrip na nga lang..

LSS:
~overhearts..~

biRtHdaY bLuEs..

2006-09-11T21:40:00.000+08:00

haaay..
kakaloka naman ang buwai.. :s
dulwang oras na lang.. tapus na bday ku.. kasusot.. :s
xempre naman iung mga taong inaantay kung bumate eh wula pake sa ken..
thank you..

haha..
nde ba naman aku akatulug ng ayus.. :s
haaay.. naman kase.. kaw na maguluhan sa tex.. ewan ku lang..
nakmamaxadu kase..
playing safe..
nak iinarte.. well excuse me..
sumobra na ang kaartehan level mu..
at nde ka na uubra sa ken.. ahaha.. foforwardan ku na lng ng mga panamang quote memea.. ahaha.. kala nia jan?? naku talaga ang mga tuelg na taong ian.. ahaha.. kakasusot xe iung mga ganung kusap eh.. :s naku talaga xa.. kakaines.. mga pak fifiling ng agaganap.. at mga "pakprepretend" nang nalalaman.. well.. im too old for that kind of conversation.. steady lang aku ngeun.. wit or without him.. thank you.. ahaha..

eh how about naman kaninang madaling araw eh i countdown iung bday ku?? thnk u naman.. at pakdateng ku sa dorm.. how about some matador?? thnk u.. ahaha.. at after nun?? red horse naman.. thank u talaga.. ahaha.. at xempre ang mga masusustanshang diskushun namen at mga kalokohang wulang katapusan.. ahaha.. kakatuwa talaga.. nisep ku.. kung wula sila.. malamang windang windangan na ku.. haay.. although likas ng me saltek aku.. iba pa ren iung njan sila.. haaay.. kakaloka.. not to mention na nakpagupet aku.. :s thank you.. ahaha.. mukha nanaman akung pers yir.. mukha ku katulong.. ahaha.. day off?? ahaha.. thank you.. ahaha.. nakmamaxadu.. :s kakaloka talaga.. xempre me blowing of the candle aku on top of the cup cake kanina.. at pinak wiwish aku.. ahaha.. kakatuwa naman talaga.. :s thank you.. ahaha..

at xempre pak uwe ku.. me cake.. :s uhm thank u.. pinadeliver.. kakaines.. kakalurky.. :s me element of surprise.. kea pala tinanung iung block number namen kgbe.. :s anu va.. nak mamaxadu.. sobra naman.. :s anyway.. moving on.. ahaha.. kakaloka at naktex aku ng apakarameng linyang akakaiyak na apaka wulang wenta.. ang mga kadramahan ku kela beshy.. bhie.. ney.. chua at chabelita.. thank u naman.. tanga ku talaga nu?? me kaaningan talaga kung taglay.. excuse me alam ku na iun mutagal na.. ahaha.. :s

haaay..
kakalumbay.. wula bang quick fix sa pak kalumbay??
maxadu na talaga tu.. :s
anyway..
ordinary day..
wula lang..
dagdag taon lang sa kalendaryo ku.. :s
anim na taon na lang..
patas na kame ng pebrero..
nak ng!

hhmmm..
whatever.. :s

haLf crAzY..

2006-08-31T22:24:00.000+08:00

hay naku.. how about mga 6 times atang pinatugtug ni rula iung half crazy sa fon ku.. anak ng tinapay.. [harina] ahaha.. kaloka.. me saltek nanaman ata si rula eh.. kung nu nu anu nanaman pinaksasasabe.. nak moa nga sila ni ingky kanina.. haha.. niloloko ku nga eh.. mukhang friends na nia mga ex nia.. ahaha.. kakatuwa naman na everyone's doing fine na talaga.. ahaha.. parang date kase.. ahaha.. lahat ng tao naging kabet.. ahaha.. bute ngeun ala na iun.. ahaha.. atatawa tului aku..

nak ng topa kase naman tu si bebe.. kala ku punta ng dorm.. beh nakbantay raw xa ng porchapan.. kame lang tului nila ne, cindyrella at anne sa dorm.. haha.. si beshy naman asa lipa.. nak ng tinapay talaga.. si myne naman sa silang.. haha.. mishku na gad sila.. haha.. adik aku.. thank you.. buhaha..

eh excited na ku mak alas dose.. panu kaarawan na ni bebut.. lintek parang nung isang araw ku pa iun binabate.. ahaha.. ataters.. xenxia lang.. ahaha.. tatawgan ku.. lintek xe.. 232 na lang gagamiten ku.. ahaha.. naktitiped.. gushtu ku ngang gamiten landline na lang eh.. ahaha.. aksayada..

teka me naksend ng quote na gushto ku lang mak react.. fil ku lang mak rereact.. wak kang mangeelam.. blog ku to!! ahaha.. and it goes a little something like this..

~pag mahal mu xa.. sabihen mu kahet lam mung wulang kapalet un.. ang mhalaga nalaman nia.. at kung magalet xa.. sabihen mu..
"ang sabe ku mahal kita.. nde ku sinabeng mahalen mu ren aku.."~

chuva iung quote nu?? so what happened to "everybody deserves to be happy"?? wula na?? one way na lang ganun?? maxadu naman ata.. :p ahaha.. siguru date ian den ang paniwala ku at ginawa ku.. uu ginawa ku.. i wasnt sure wer i stand i a relationship before.. if i cud even kol it a relationship.. peru ganun pa man.. wula akung hiningeng kapalet.. but damn! anu naman aku?? reserba?? opinion?? runner up?? nde aku lang ang mahal ng mahal.. how about "reciprocity" over there.. naniniwala naman aku sa pagiging martyr dahel ganun ren aku misan.. peru naman hello?? how long wud u chuz to love that way?? lahat ng tao me karapatang sumaya.. naku u wud find sumone hu wudnt just let u continue loving them.. but they woud just be luvin u even more that u thought u cud luv em.. haha.. wula lang gushtu ku lang mak reareact..

teka itu pa isang quote.. ahaha.. feel ku lang mak react..

~takut akung mawula ka.. takut akung iwanan mu aku.. takut akung makhanap ka ng iba.. peru sa takut ku.. dku pa naitanung sa sarile ku kung.. "aken ka nga ba??"~

oh eh di ba mas chuva?? ian naman kase ang problema talaga sa ten misan.. lalu na saken.. ahaha.. male pala.. lalu na saken date.. wula pa sa mga kamay ku.. inaangken ku na.. thats why i always end up with nuthin.. eh iun.. naman kase.. sa mga aning naman.. dont show actions that provoke hope.. naman kase.. justify your actions with some explanations or vice versa.. justify your explanations with some actions.. nde naman kase mak aasaya ng oras at panahon if ur not interested in someone.. i should know.. extrovert ren aku.. peru when i make friends.. pare parehas ng turing.. tamang tex.. tamang gimik.. tamang kamustahan.. peru once naman na 24/7 kausap mu.. nde ka pa nakuntento.. 24/7 kasama mu ren.. iba na iun.. haaay.. date ganun ren aku.. kasu naman we should mature.. ahaha.. seryoso bigla?? ahaha.. anyway.. trip ku lang naman mak react eh.. bawal va iun?? ahaha.. :p

~never knowin'.. what could have been..~

2006-08-31T14:47:00.000+08:00

haaay..
sapat kanina pa ku aales..
peru dahel sa kantang tu..
nde aku makaales..
ampotahnez..
haaaay..

~what hurts the most..
was being so close..
and having so much to say..
and watching you walk away..
and never knowing
what could have been
and not seeing that loving you
is what i was tryin’ to do~

waaaaah.. :s

promise me..

2006-08-30T21:31:00.000+08:00

ahaha.. eh xempre kea promise me.. xe naalala ku beshy kuy.. aba.. tamang senti sa dorm at tamang interpretative dance like dat.. at talagang biniju ku pa.. haha.. teka teka.. etu..

haha..
chuvang chuva nu?? eh xempre kanina nak pa red horse si bebe.. at aku tamang biju nanaman.. haha.. nakpupumupose si tanga.. oh viju ka saken ngeun.. kala mu jan.. haha.. biktima tau pareparehu ditu.. murameng bes niu na ren ku nabibiju sa mga kalokohan naten nu.. haha.. chuva ba naman.. haha.. etu ule..

haha.. panu naman tamang trip kanina.. giniseng aku ni ney sa pak kakatulug ku dahel me xm aku ng 2 kanina.. at xempre aku atutulug pa.. eh how about naman xe wulang tulug.. kaharap lang pc at naknenet.. adik.. maxadu.. haha.. kakabahan tului aku dahel pinost ku viju ni mean.. baka gumante iun.. dame ku ren wacky and nor to mention sexy pix dun sa fon nia.. beh adik.. buahaha.. anyway.. yamu xa.. haha..

eh pakdateng ku sa dorm.. andun si cindyrella at atutulug.. nyeh.. wula na kung pwestu.. at xempre akitulug aku at talaga namangt naksumusiksek run sa kama.. wawa naman si wishart.. haha.. maxadu.. nang aanu..

haha.. teka oh eh di aun nga nak pared horse si mean.. haha.. tamang wentu nanaman.. aku nga weh takang taka.. higet anim na taun na halus kame mak kakasama.. ewan ku ba kung vuket nde pa ren tlaga kame nauubusan ng ikekwentu.. at talagang kakaloka.. haha.. lalu nat ndun nung sang araw si fuver.. hala.. buwai camp ule kame.. as usual.. mimis ku na nga camp eh.. mga 3 days na ren kameng nde nakakakanta dun.. :s

haaay.. kaloka.. xempre nung puwe na kame.. nakipacpicturan muna kame ni lyne.. haha.. partida iun ah.. naklalakad kame.. how about dat?? haha.. mga adik sa pix.. lalu na ku.. naku..

haaay.. teka teka.. rame naktex.. nde pa ku nakbabasa.. nakpapatawag pate si beshy kuy.. haha.. mea na ule ku sulat.. ahaha..

LSS:
~andame mung bubae.. wula namang trabaho..~
nyahaha..

ouT oF reAcH..

2006-08-29T14:42:00.000+08:00

i dunno..
sabe ku maksusulat aku kaninang madaleng araw..
but it turns out that akaharap aku sa pc but still i cant think of something to write..
how pathetic..
how typical of me..
haha..

aning talaga ku..
haha.. ang gulu ku nu?? haha talaga.. makwewentu na nga lang aku.. haha..

akakatuwa xe.. kagabe ba naman naktex ang pot ku.. nakhahanap ng ifrefriend lyk dat.. eh wula naman aku misep na ibigay.. xe lahat ng tropa taken (pera na aku) haha.. sabe ku wula ku misep.. sabe nia aku na lang raw.. haha.. anu aku?? consolation prize?? haha.. kea wak na uy.. haha..

tas etu naman nung mga 10pm na naktetex si cutie.. nakhahanap ng ifrefriend ren raw.. haha.. eh di saktong sakto naman.. akakatuwa.. parang sabay silang nakhakanap at parang talagang pak kakataon.. haha.. eh di ngla ku tinex si pot.. sabe ku.. 'i think i got someone for you..' haha.. adik?? eh di ibinigay ku na nga ang number nilang dulwa sa isa't isa..

haha.. eh tas tinawagan ku sa sun tung si pot.. haha.. chinikaruu ku nga tungkul run ke cutie.. na cute nia iun.. lyk dat lyk dat.. haha.. eh as usual.. tamang build up lyk dat.. tawa na naman kame ng tawa.. haha.. ewan ku kung natutuwa aku na ibinibigay ku xa sa iba.. haha.. eh ang tagal na namang mak kakilala.. peru chuva lang.. whatever 'chuva' in that sentence implies.. haha.. kagulu!! kagulu ku talaga.. haha..

eh sakto me sun ren tung si cutie.. haha.. eh di binigai ku ren.. sabe ku mas maganda kung me voice conversation sila lyk dat.. haha.. chuvang chuva.. kakatuwa lang.. parang sakto na nakhanapan sila at nak kita.. haha..

anyway.. moving on.. haha.. bday ni pau kahapun.. eh nung linggo kusap ku iun.. (lage naman).. haha.. eh me bday blues raw xa.. dahel parang madaleng araw lang me bumabate sa kanya.. at pakdateng ng mga hapun eh wula na.. haha.. chuva xa.. eh bad trip wula naman aku maxadu frnd sa sun.. onte lang.. peru sandamakmak sa globe.. :s eh naputul pa iung globe nia.. sabe ku tex nia ku pak na reconnect na iung globe nia.. eh di umaga pa lang tinawgan ku na un sa sun.. aside sa pakbate ku sa kanya nung umaga.. binate ku.. oh eh xempre.. nung mga 4pm naktex na uki na nga raw iung globe nia.. haha.. eh di tinex ku ang 50% ng mga utaw sa fonbuk ku.. at pinabate ku xa.. haha.. ewan ku lang naman kung mak ka burtday blues pa un.. haha.. kasu bad trip na iung nung mga 11pm.. haha.. me long quiz sila ng joa nia.. haha.. chuvang chuva..

anyways.. haha.. plural?? kakatwa.. eh piyesta kela beshy at chabelita kahapun.. pate kela dabz.. eh malamang naman.. ang dame ku gagawen.. :s kea nde aku akasama.. peru nung gabe.. bak gm si wishart.. haha.. na ndun nga raw si pangga, bes, at chabelita.. at ndun opkors si beshy.. haha.. tension.. gulat nga ku at mak kakaibigan na sila.. how about love triangle plus one.. huwwwaat?? plus one?? haha.. pede bang luv square?? haha.. well.. uki na iun para wula ng bitter.. haha.. eh ang usapan pa naman namen date na.. kelan kea mangyayare na wulang mak kakarelashon within the tropa.. oh well.. parang itu na ang katuparan dun.. haha.. sobra.. maxadu.. kea dumarame ang tropa.. haha..

ganadu aku mak wentu ngeun nu?? haha.. (kala mu me kusap eh..) haha.. wula xe ku exm ngeun.. haha.. kakalumbay.. nde aku nakakanta sa camp negun.. haha.. ala una banaman aku nagiseng.. how about 65 msgs. sa globe.. lyk dat.. bigla pa nak no space.. adik?? grrrr.. at sa sun how about 8 msgs. no space ren.. tatapun ku na mga fon ku weh.. ampft.. ang rame rame naktetex.. nak g gm.. peru iung inaantay kung maktex.. ampft.. ni isang tex.. ni minsan.. nde naman nakparamdam.. kahet hi or hello.. counted na sana iun eh.. peru wula.. ampotahnez.. :s ganun na ata talaga eh.. haaaay.. tagal tagal ku inaantay iun.. :s mawuwula na ku sa lasal.. nde pa ren nakpaparamdam.. :s or may be not intersted at all.. haha.. nu magagawa ku?? haha..

eh iun.. naktex sila.. pinapapunta ku dorm.. tatamad na ba naman aku.. nde pa ku naliligu.. haha.. :s uu.. nde pa ku naliligu.. haha.. eh iung kanta.. ~im doing just fine.. time made me stronger.. ur no longer on my mind..~ opchorz.. excuse me lang nu.. haha.. kakatuwa.. naman kase.. haha.. ang mga friends ku ba naman lageng.. 'chen.. me iintroduce kame xeu.. lyk datlyk dat.. me trabahu na iun.. smart.. lyk dat lyk dat..' nyeee.. eh ayoko nman.. siguru kea ever since i dont really like dating.. :s gushtu ku iung casual lang.. yoko ng date date.. nak ng! eh panu naman.. madalas ngeun parateng ang mga chumuchuva sa ken eh.. how about 17-18 yrs. old lyk dat?? aba aba.. hello.. uki lang sila?? bantay bata?? haha.. haaaay..

ang dame dame iniintroduce.. ung gushtu ku naman.. ni minsan.. as in ni minsan talaga.. wulang ka jewels jewels.. kahet casualan wula.. ni inde ku pa nga ata nakikita pangalan nun sa inbox ku.. ni hinde pa nga ata aku nangingitian nun eh.. :s adik.. so close.. but still so far away.. out of reach talaga.. peru aian lang naman.. right in front of me.. haha.. ang dense nu?? ewan ku ba run.. :s haha..

hmm.. andame ku na wentu.. bukas naman iung iba.. haha.. mak babasa na ku.. para naman misan.. pumasuk naman aku ng me alam.. nde iung parang bakashun lang lage.. haha.. wulang aral aral.. basta pasuk lang.. haha.. makapak basa man lang.. for a change.. haha..

LSS:
~coz summer is here.. im still waiting there.. winter is here.. im still waiting there.. like i said its been three years since im knockin on ur door..~

knight in shining armor..

2006-08-28T13:59:00.000+08:00

haha..
my knight in shining armor..
turned out to be a loser in an aluminum foil..
haha..
anyway..
moving on..
haha..

teka teka..
tinatamad aku mak isep eh..
meang madaleng araw na lang ule..
haha..

finaLLy..

2006-07-15T11:26:00.000+08:00

ive been wanting to write all this time..
its just that my thoughts and emotions dont jive at the moment..
haha..
one moment of bliss..
the rest is bitterness..
haha..
being happy is not just having someone to have and to hold..
or so i thought..
haha..
im just not ready to take another risk..
i just wanna be me..
just no significant other..
haha..
significant..
fuck??
hahaha..
neva mind..
just always loving a good conversation..
either with friends or with flings..
hahaha..
same old shit with these flings..
and i dont care..
i dont care at all..
haha..
i dont even have anything in my to write about..
just some bullshit that crosses ma thought..
haha..
waiting for my friends..
whatever..
im not really in the mood putting words and rhyme together..
hahaha..
on that regard..
im bouncin'..
*gone*

how do You hoLd oN to sOmeOne yOu'vE nEver Met??

2006-06-23T23:27:00.000+08:00

kinda familiar huh??
the lake house..
just another luv story..
its amazing how luv stories always
have a happy ending..
and me??
nah..
don't ask about it..
don't even bother..
its nonsense..
haha..
now how fucked up is that??
haha..
whatever..
this week has been such a happy-sad week..
i like it though..
you can never be happy without feeling sad..
and you can never let go..
if you continue to hold on..
logically..
i don't wanna say im ok..
or im doin better..
coz that would be hypocrisy..
but hypothetically..
its the coping period..
and i think its coming to an end..
hopefully..
i want everything to fall into place this time..
how bizarre..
suddenly i have all the reasons to get up in the morning..
not that i dont have reasons before..
but now..
its all so clear..
its all so visible..
i may not be perfect..
i may not be good..
i may not be intelligent..
i may not be smart..
but this is me..
people think they know me..
but somehow..
im continually changing..
somehow..
and im happy about it..
this is a big world..
and i dont care if people would like me or not..
if people would laugh at me behind ma back or not..
or if people dont see me in a certain way..
the hell i care!!
haha..
i smile when i want to..
i cry when i feel like it..
haha..
how silly..
whatever..

LSS:
~i'm here without u baby..
but your still on my lonely mind..
i think about you baby..
and i dream about you all the time..~

pReteNding..

2006-06-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

i just dont wanna go on pretending anymore..
love me or leave me..
well the leave part is really hard..
but i just dont want to do this all over again..
i just dont want to have someone to be my priority..
when all i am to him is an opinion..
i cant believe this!
i dunno..
so pathetic!!
im not a consolation prize or a runner up..
yeah i might be dumb at times..
but im sick and tired of being other peoples
consolation prize..
they could burn their souls down..
grrrrrr..
whatever..
i just want things to go my way..
and this time..
ill twist it..
maybe something like before..
but not this time..
not again..
not wit me..
[trying to be strong]

LSS:
doin' just fine..

~There was a time
when I thought life was over and out
When you went away from me
My dying heart made it hard to breathe
Would sit in my room
Because I didn't want to go out
and see you walking by
One look and I'd break down and cry
Now you say that you made a big mistake
Never Meant to take your love away
But you can save your tired apologies
Cause it may seem hard to belive but

I'm doin just fine
Getting along every well
without you in my life
I don't need you in my life
I'm doin just fine
Time made me stronger
you're no longer on my mind

You were my earth
My number one priority
I gave my love to only you
Anything you'd ask of me
I would do
But somewhere down the road
You felt a change in the weather
and told me that you had to journey
on a kiss in the wind
and your love was gone
Now you say you never meant to play your games
Girl you don't know
It's far too late
Because you let our love just fall apart
You no longer have my heart

When you said goodbye
I felt so all alone
There were time at night I couldn't sleep
My heart was much too weak to make it on my own
Baby after all the misery
and pain you put me through
So unfair to me girl
You're no longer my world
and I ain't missin' you at all~

*bite me!*

LoL..

2006-06-12T14:11:00.000+08:00

laughing out loud..
haha..
i dunno..
im not myself lately..
its a good thing though..
ma usual self resembles bitterness and confusion..
guilt and paranoia..
not this time..
i think im feeling better..
i see things differently again..
maybe because i realized a lot of things..
and a lot of wounds healed..
a lot of foolishness ended..
and im hoping not to do it all again..
coz i might get all crazy again and mess with mah life again..
anyways..

suddenly i missed jen..
i dunno..
maybe because weekends are our days..
and those overbonding nights
those unendless stories..
haha..
well thats life..

i just realized that luv is not just fighting for what we feel
or holding on..
or resolving all those odds..
sumtyms its your willingness to surrender and give up..
its accepting things and situations that cant change..
and accepting people who just cant luv us back..
and accepting that there would not be a happy ending..
and eventually..
still learning to luv again..
hard though..
it hurts..
big time..
but its reality..
sumtyms we need to detach from what is ideal..
and learn to reach out with reality..
we just cant live in a dream..
we can live through hope..
but not in dreaming..
this is a dog eat dog world..
and its either we make it big..
or we cut it short..
or just play along..
looking into a mirror and looking at urself..
sumtyms we get surprised that what we see
is not want we want to see..
maybe someone better..
or someone worse..
whatever..

i thought that forgiving was hard..
well maybe it is..
but i just managed to think it over..
the more i dont forgive..
the more i get mad..
the more i get confused..
the more i feel guilt..
and all i am is just a trash growing bitter..
and thats not what i want right now..
everything should take the backseat..
every pain and heartache should stop creeping in..
and there are a lot of things
to be thankful for..
than just looking at what makes you feel sad..
and instead..
focusing on what makes us happy..
coz everbody deserves to be happy..
cliche huh??
well its pretty relative..
hard to explain and defend..
whatever..

i might get all wordy and stuff..
haha..
so im bouncin'..

sHake iT oFf..

2006-06-12T13:20:00.000+08:00

haha..
well well well..
that's really sumthing huh??
haha..
nothin' much..
changing ma mood this side of year..
making sum changes on how i see things..
how funny when you think of those silly mistakes..
haha..
well its time for new ones..
nah kiddin'..
there's no time for that..
i dont need another heartache..
haha..
maybe not for now..
im not looking forward to it though..
haha..
whatever..
there's something in me that makes me happy..
i dunno why..
maybe its peace??..
haha..
asshole..
haha..
imagine how blissful i woud be
if i had taken endorphins..
haha..
kinda weird though..
maybge this is the time to shake off bad vibes..
whatever those are..
i wont get nothing thinking and living in paranoia..
biatch..
haha..
think im talkin to much..
i better stop..
it might just lead me to hypocrisy..
haha..

LSS:
~since you've been gone..
i can breathe for the first time..
im so moving on..
thanks to you..
now i get..
i get what i want..
since uv been gone..~

oVer..

2006-06-01T14:02:00.000+08:00

and then finally..
im livin out of mah shell..
new sight out of life..
haha..
whatever..

aNg Mga HuLing sAndaLi.. miMiz ku na gAd si jEn..

2006-05-28T13:04:00.000+08:00

haaaaayy.. :s chuva na..

~malayu ang tingen..~

naku.. jennifer..
namimiz na kita..

sOber..

2006-05-27T13:01:00.000+08:00

hhaay..
sumtyms ang buwai talaga.. :(
nde aku sanay ng ala si jen..
nak ng!!
~stik wit u~
nak ng!
mamimiz ku iun..
haaaayy..

naku taLagA..

2006-05-25T16:51:00.000+08:00

single daw??
how pathetic..
ampftness..
well that's lyf..
nuthin i can do about it..
nakakatawa lang..
it had to end this way..
so pathetic talaga..
tungek tungek aku weh..
ganun talaga..
haaay..
ales na si jen vukas..
waaaaaahh..
chuva talaga..

*these are all the many changes in my life..*
thought i was wrong in believing that he's not the right one..
well..
haaay..
whatever..
there's no sense crying over spilled milk..
im tired of being bitter..
shit..
need to pick up the pieces..
and this time its now or never..
[parang linya to ni pau ah??]
haaay..
*to be continued*

~LoneLiness fouNd mE.. LooKs LikE it's HeRe to sTay..~

2006-05-24T14:43:00.000+08:00

~i dont think that you think of me..
your on your own now..
and im alone and free..~
waaaah..
wula lang..
kala ku nde ku na tu kanta..
kanta ku nanaman..
nak ng!!!
grrrrrr..

waaaaaaah!!
anu ba mga tugutg!!!
if i believe naman ngeun!!
nak ng!!
ampftness..
pasakitan galore itu wah..
haaay..
~if i could see the future..
id see if you and i were meant to be..~
lecheng coffee shop to..
pinapasakitan lang aku..
grrrr..
hanapen ku na nga lang sila pau..
grrrrr...

cOffeE taLk..

2006-05-24T14:10:00.000+08:00

haaay..
me, jen and pau..
coffee talk..
haha..
parehas pala kame ni pau..
sumtyms martyr mode..
mga aning..
hahaha..
kea parate na lang tawa ng tawa..
pate mga linya pare pareha..
haaaay..
nasobrahan sa kape..
sobrang kaba..
haaaay..
ales na si jen..
nak ng..
mga tao iiwan na ku..
waaaaahh..
chuva na..

spent almost an hour browsing every book at booksale..
so i could just read a good book..
something that could let me stop think and let me divert my mind to something else..
well..
bad news..
i didnt find a good book..
maybe i should just write one..
im sure..
bitterness and foolishness lang maisusulat ku dun..
haaayy..
just another long day..
"another long day!!!"
emphasize ba??
haaay..
whatever..
i couldnt care..
and maybe i shouldnt..

i think when you got bit by a snake you should suck the poison out of it..
and maybe thats what im trying to do..
thats what im trying to make up..
and when it finally sinks in..
that you just let the snake bite you??
feels like shit..
grrrr..
how foolish could i get??
but no time for regrets..
i had been happy and had felt better..
but that doesnt give us the account to continue any longer..
i dont know of its even qualified to outstand what is right..
everything is so blur..
i cant barely see through..
all dats visible is smoke and all thats heard are voices with different points of view..
i dunno..
i know that a sudden stop really hurts..
but there's no other way..
i couldn't break it to myself gently..
its just the way it should be..
and maybe this is it..
the final step..
the last move..
the end..
let go, pretend nothing happened, eventually forget and completely move on..

LSS:
~akuy alipin mu kahet nde batid..~
[badtrip iung ganun nu?? grrrr..]

aNd aGain..

2006-05-24T13:48:00.000+08:00

i thought i wud start luvin love songs again..
i thought i would finally stop writing about bitter poems and essays overflowing with heartaches....
but then again..
here i am..
and i believe im just getting started..

just being me..
being myself is already a complications..
u can never figure me out..
or maybe no one tries..
they just give up on me..
cant blame them..
for i myself couldnt even figure out maself..
i never thought i would be engaging in such complications..
its hard to control ma mind and ma insanity..
but somehow..
i should just let it end..
one way or another..
i just think that the longer i hold on to this feeling..
the harder it is for me to let go..
i though that somebody would take me and stand up for me..
live a normal life..
love without bounderies..
and show it without fear..
i dunno if its selfishness..
i just think i also deserve to be normal..
to be myself without fear of rejection..
to indulge without holding back..
to get hurt naturally..
and to cry it off to my friends..
i dont wanna be in the shadows anymore..
fuck..
suddenly "narda" plays on the radio..
grrrrrr...
going back..
i was so inclined in loving the wrong person..
and maybe i should change that..
i need to change that..
i want someone who could be all mine..
no hold back..
no excess..
i want someone solely my property..
obviously destiny didnt allow it to happen..
fuck what i want..
it never happens..
im just a hopeless romantic..
waiting for her prince to come..
or so i thought he came..
but then after thinking over it..
i realized..
he wasnt mine after all..
he belonged to his kingdom in which he have to take responsibility of..
and im out of the picture..
hello?? reality sets in..
i said i would not submit again..
coz im most likely to get confused and just get hurt..
but then again..
here i am..
same old thoughts..
same old lies..
and same old lame excuses..
funny because when we get hurt..
we just think we are the one who really get hurt..
but in reality..
as much as we get hurt..
we also hurt someone else..
but hurt is a relative word..
its inflictions are differently judged..
but either way..
you hurt someone..
and u hurt urself even more..
not because you wanted to..
but because u have to do what is right..
we should face reality..
it just wasnt meant..
it was not right..
obvious signs show up..
though its hurting inside and the bleeding wouldnt stop..
il just let it bleed for a while..
until its empty again..
i just wanna look forward and never look back..
coz if i look back im afraid i might fall again..
my heart had never been strong..
somehow my mind creeps in..
just gives me more confusion..
and i cant process anymore..

LSS:
~i wish i wasnt in luv with you..~

~hOw cAn i faLL??~

2006-05-18T09:45:00.000+08:00

waaaah..

LSS:
~how can i fall..
how can i fall when you
just won't give me reasons..
just won't give me reasons
at all..~

*sighs*
i dunno why..
but i always sigh..
i dunno if it relieves or what..
i just kinda feel like doing it everytime
i get into something so congested..
haaay..
there you go..
another sigh..
whatever..

yesterday's event was kinda striking..
my exams where so..
i dunno how to describe it..
grrrr..
its just so not right..
i was leaning at the top of a ten storey
building when i saw my grade..
and it was not a joke..
it was really how i felt..
i dunno..
im not just so fund of too much
study right now..
maybe because i always felt
that i got my batchmates and that we do
all things together..
but then now..
all i gto is myself..
my fault though..
i didnt focus and paid attention to what is important..
i was so happy doing gimiks.. gigs.. and stuff like that..
you know what i mean..
i would be a hypocrite if i say there are no regrets..
of course there are..
but i enjoyed eveything..
the ups and the down..
the tears and the joy..
am i starting to sound so cheesy??
nah..
just saying what i feel..
i still got new friends..
and they never made me like someone different from them..
they were so good to me..
and im so thankful for that..
anyways..

*to be continued*

LettiNg gO..

2006-05-13T07:39:00.000+08:00

so much for pain..
so much for waiting..
sometimes its just isnt worth..
no matter how you try..
and at the end..
u just hav no choice but to move on..
move on and let go..
even though it is the hardest part..
it is indeed the most helpful part..
there's no sense dwelling in something you just cant live for..
in something you just cant fight for..
i cant see the point..
my defenses have already stumbled and deceased..
they have left with no other choice but to surrender and rest..
although my nights have been so much colder..
m mind got nobody to think about..
got nothing to go crazy over..
got no one to call my own anymore..
all i got are thoughts of what might have been..
and what we had before..
whatever..
much of the bitter talk..

got no post for two or three days i think..
kinda boring..
it sucks..
~sighs..~

got a lot of hesistations in mah mind..
got a lot to think about..
gosh..
i just need to put myself back into its original shape..
put mah bits and pieces together to where it used to be..
i dunno if its too late but im still trying though..

need to pass some subjects this summer..
and i need to pass them badly..
waaaaahh..
well gotta go work on it..

LSS:

~thought i heard your voice

yesterday.. then i turned around to say..

that i love you and i realized..

that it was my mind..

playing tricks on me..

It seems colder lately at night

and I try to sleep with the lights on

Everytime the phone rings

I pray to God it's you

I just can't believe

That we're through..

I miss you

Theres no other way to say it

And I, I can't deny it..

I miss you

It's so easy to see I miss you and me..

Is it done and over this time?

Can we ever change our minds?

But it's our first love..

all the feelings that we used to share..

I refuse to believe that you don't care..

I've got to gather my senses together

I've been through worse kinds of weather

If it's over now be strong

I can't believe that you're gone..

I've got to carry on..~

cLosiNg yOur DooRs..

2006-05-08T11:38:00.000+08:00

haaay..
didn't post anything yesterday..
i was not in the mood..

i got mah hair spa last saturday night..
it was not obvious coz whatever i do..
mah hair stays curly..
always..
but it was softer though..

yesterday we went to this church..
in which our professor invited us..
kinda weird though..
coz i was not so inclined in that kind of church..
but the welcome was really warm..
not that im changing religion or something..
maybe it was just a tempting invite..
getting to know other people with different insights..
but no arguments or disargeements..
just hearing other people's side of the story..

just after that..
i felt the rush to close ma doors wit someone..
is it that wen its over..
i really should be over..
im just thinking that..
whats the thought of trying to put it back together..
when you would just intend to break it up again..
it just cripples the person involved..
even if u pick it up again..
its still crippled..
and in the first place..
everything wasn't right..
it was not part of the plan..
it was unexpected..
yet it was hard to let go..
right versus wrong..
emotion versus common sense..
kinda tough huh??
well whatever..

today's discussion was kinda long..
there were lots of seatworks..
its alright though..
i need to get a grade..
and i need a passing one..
which i would still be working on..
just a little over 8 days in the making..
cant wait though..
and of course the bible reading part..
i would admit its a bit boring..
but it had a point..
and it was speaking for itself..

LSS:
~what can i say besides im sorry..
what can i say to change your mind..
what can i do to make tomrw..
urs and myn..~

~aLthOugH wE'vE cOme To tHe EnD oF tHe RoaD..~

2006-05-06T09:57:00.000+08:00

LSS: [as mentioned]
~although we've come.. to the end of the road.. still i can't let go..
it's so natural.. you belong to me.. i belong to you..~

*sighs*
such songs played over and over again..
just like a bruise being picked over and over again..
whatever..

got a lot of chores lined up today..
laundry.. dishes.. food.. etc. etc.
no need to elaborate..

kinda exhausting..
still got more to do..
got to review for ma exams..
got to finish up mah practicum docu..
arrrrrgh!!
when would this end??
its my fault though..
no space for regrets..
it wouldn't do any good..

i was about to watch MI3 yesterday..
but then i got no one to watch it wit..
ggrrrr...
am i getting naive??
hell yeah!!
whatever..

muCh hAve BeeN sAid..

2006-05-05T19:20:00.000+08:00

for all i know..
love doesn't stop when a relationship ends..
but its when a person started to lose hope and
get tired of loving again..
i thought that setting someone free was the hardest thing to do..
but it was the aftermath that hurts..
when u should start over again..
when u just have to accept that some things are just not meant to be..
it has just ended because the other stopped fighting for you both..
and this is the reason you set him free..

i thought that giving space and a little freedom would
make him come back to me..
but no..
freedom only helped him say goodbye..
time set in..
distance was in the middle..
and destiny was not in favor..
and there's no where to run..
there's nowhere to hide..

i always find a reason to hold on..
but points for me not to hold on..
covers up ma will..

its when your mind contradicts with your heart..
and when you just want to run away..
but everytime you do..
you just stumble..

much about everything had been said..
so easy to say..
so hard to do..
love.. letting go..
fight.. set free..
give up.. hold on..
stop.. grow..
antagonistic points of view..
heart.. mind..

i need a rest..
ma mind cant process anymore..
and mah heart ran out of blood..

vidEoKe moMentS..

2006-05-05T17:50:00.000+08:00

haaay..
just the other day we were so complete..
super kanta at tamang trip..
tamang inum..
haha..
kahet me mga defense..
haha..
pampatanggal ng mga kaba..
well..
i miss the whole gang..

the usual gang..
iung kahet nung oras..
kahet san..
game na game.. haha..
naalala ku before..
nawulan ng kuryente sa dorm..
nasira ang rajo..
umapoy ang tivi..
hala..
kame nde natitinag..
just the usual chillin' out..
haha..
lumindol na't lahat lahat..
ang sixth lane..
akatayu pa ren..
still partyin till the break of dawn..
kea galet na galet na si te lydia eh..
hahaha..
eh iun..
kasu summer ngeun eh..
alang dormer ng summer..
hahaha..
atatandaan ku pa before..

ang 3bi's..
bagsik.. boris and bamboo..
alang tubeg sa dorm..
nakpuntang volets..
at dun naki ligu..
hahaha..
mga aning..

all those mid afternoon talks..
with lots of beer and smoke..
those undying laughters that frills to the bone..
those little nonsense things that seems to perk up our days..
those exchange of insults..
those naughty things..
those non stop snapshotz..
those trippings..
those late night getaways..
basketball and volleyball games..
poker nights..
billiards and gigs..
the little fights and the childlike acts..
heartaches.. tears and corny stuffs..
those panlalaet moments..
those tambays..
kahet misan zero balance na..
me paraan pa ren..
ang pak aabang ng showing ng mga palabas..
lahat ng kajologsan namen ni beshy..
tas uuwe si jillian..
dadale ng kung anu anu..
hala..
ala nanmang katapusan ang hagalpakan
namen..
everything..
every little thing with ma peeps..
damn!! i miss em so much..

LSS: ~im ready this time..

i know that im no longer undecided..

i dont wanna be..

a fool wonderin' what might have been..~

[ringtone ni ney]

aNotHeR dAy..

2006-05-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

just another day..
haaay..
good thing i have a new blog..
at least there are fresher things and news..
haha..
i need to let go of the past..
kinda exhausting..
after a long class..
good thing i have friends wit me in class..
naku tawa lang kame ng tawa sa likud..
peru in fairness..
after naman me natutununan..
me natutunan sila..
aku wula..
hahaha..
well..
after our break we had a discussion..
a religous discussion..
faith issues..
with our professor..
and of course kameng lima..
ang power rangers..
haha..
haaay..
bicutan pa ku papasuk..
just another day..
im really rediverting myself to things that
wouldnt hurt me..
that wouldnt just bring me pain..
i really should focus on things..
haaay..

LSS:

~after the love has gone..

what used to be right was wrong..~

ampftness..

dAmn..

2006-05-05T03:22:00.001+08:00

finally..
ive been wanting to have a new blog..
so hard to read all those past pains..
haha..
time for new ones..
haha..
what wont kill you..
would only make you stronger..
haha..
as a matter of fact im excited to have new pains..
haha..
life is just like that..
you lose some..
you win some..
but then again..
its just so unfair sumtyms..
when you finally traded your usual mp3 player
to an ipod..
the music still sounded the same..
i dont know but its like it was worthless..
i dont know if it scored a lot of tickles in me..
but i think it didnt..
and so did the radio suddenly played..
~i know that i should get on wit mah lyf..
but a life lived without you.. cud never be right..~
grrrrrr...
ulet pa den??
it was really easy sinking in that im freakin' left alone and single..
but i never thought it was this torturing..
hearing this songs play over and over again..
going to places you just damn remember everything..
haha..
i thought if i traded up a new blog..
things would change..
well maybe yeah..
haha..
a bit..
a bit lighter than before..
lets see..
no one knows whats ahead..
haha..

biTtErneSs..

2006-05-05T01:53:00.000+08:00

just so bitter..
when everbody just shows up and make you look like a freakin doll..
so alone..
so naive..
so bitter..